01.150 Outtakes - Furious
Twenty years ago
The mean streets of New York City
Ella pulled up to the stoplight and looked over. She could hear the sound behind her and, as she had thought, it was Jade, the legend of New York City was there.
The light was red, the streets were empty. This was it. Nothing needed to be said.
She could feel her muscles tense. The light stayed stubbornly at red, but she watched the cross-light for the cue. The steering felt warm in her hand, she could hear her heart beat. The cross-light had turned yellow, it was just a matter of seconds now. Seconds to start, and seconds to end.
Jade looked bored and was saying something, but Ella ignored the words, something about quarter miles and living life. Ella could see a small sheen of sweat on Jade’s forehead which reassured her this wasn’t the mismatch she was scared it could be.
She rose in her seat to look forward, the cross-light had just turned red and it meant that this was happening… now!
The light turned green and she pressed hard on the pedal, lifting up her left leg to let it engage. She could feel the pawls engage as her trusty ride surged forward.
She quickly pressed down her left again and took the opportunity to shift. Then it was right, then left. The pedals spinning faster and faster. The pink glitter streamers from her handlebars trailed in the wind as she took an early lead.
She heard Jade say, “Too soon, asshole…”
…
Ella wheezed as she caught her breath. Jade was eyeing her new acqusition, that perfect pink Schwinn cruiser with flower basket and pink streamers.
“Nice doing business with you.”
“I almost had you!” Ella protested.
“Had me? Almost had me? You never had your bike…” Jade scoffed. “It doesn’t matter whether you win by a inch or a mile…”
“Woah! Stop there before we get in trouble for copyright!” Ella pleaded. She was getting worried, but then there was noise.
“The teachers are here, scram!” someone yelled.
All the kids on the playground scattered trying to make their escape. The teachers were coming to take them to nap time. Ella hid under the bushes and when Jade ran by, she grabbed her and they hid in the dirt until the teachers went inside to look there.
“I didn’t think you would save me.”
“I was hoping you’d let me keep my bike.”
“I like you, but no.”.
A few years later
A garage in Tokyo, Japan
“What, how did we end up here… what happened?” Ella said.
“We don’t talk about it.” Jade said grimly. “Just know this story almost died if we hadn’t come here.”
Jade continued, “You ready? This ain’t no race on the playground.”
Ella said nothing and grimly eyed the race in front of her.
The starter, a cute boy with long hair, stood in front of them and pointed to a boy from Azabu Junior, he said, “Ready”. He pointed the other side to a boy from Kaisei, “Settou” said the boy; and the starter put both hands down and yelled “Go!”
Ella took off straightaway, going as fast as she could, but Jade, next to her took a more calculated approach and fell behind.
Ella almost smiled until she saw the first obstacle, a short wall in the floor, she pumped her arms super hard and yelled, “Parkour!” loudly as she jumped the barrier. Unfortunately her foot caught the wall and she fell forward flat on her front and skidded to a stop. She heard the footsteps of Jade and managed to turn around to see her execute a perfect vault over the barrier.
Ella growled and made her way back to the feet and started sprinting to catch up just to watch Jade go around the corner by running up the wall and leaping off to change direction.
“Parkour!” she yelled but ended up slamming into the wall, arresting her momentum.
When she rounded the corner, she saw Jade standing there facing her, she raised one hand and made a come-hither motion.
Ella started to go and watched Jade spin around and run over and under obstacles fluidly while Ella crashed into each one in turn.
When Ella made it to the finish line, she got another speech about losing and told she owed a new pair of shoes to Jade and would be working for her til they were paid off. Also that yelling “Parkour!” every time she tried something didn’t actually make something parkour.
A few years later
The favelas of Rio, Brazil
“Wait!” Ella yelled, “Why are we here in Brazil now?”
“I don’t have time to explain why I don’t have time to explain, just go with it…” Jade said angrily.
“Isn’t this taking a parody too far.”
“Stop right there!” Jade replied, “I just had that fourth wall repaired the other day, stop doing that.”
“So why aren’t we racing or something?”
“Because this is totally different, see that shop over there? We are going to rob it, but the owner is super-scary!”
“Is he a member of the PCC? Are we going to rip off a cartel member?”
“What? No fucking way, that’d just be dumb. He just has the best brigadeiro in all of Brazil!”
“Nope… I am not doing it. This franchise ran out of steam a long time ago, and now we are just milking it. Soon we will be using pogo stickes to jump between skyscrapers and using rocket powered roller-blades to launch ourselves into space. We’ll have cameos from previous episodes just to shove everyone we can into a movie and keep adding more cast members because we are creatively bankrupt.”
“That would never happen,” Jade said dismissively. “Media people know not to be that ridiculous.”